All I Want is to be in the Light

The last few days have been a tough one for me, sickness has hit me again. I did not inform many, but about a month ago or so I was very, very sick. The kind of sick where all the energy in the body leaks out of the pores, it really was a tough sickness to overcome. I had to take a Malaria test, which consisted of Chris jabbing this needle into my finger and squeeze out all the blood onto this pregnancy test looking plastic strip. Luckily it came out negative! Well fast forward a month later, and another wave of illness has hit the Jackson Village. I have a terrible immune system, so I have been one of the four that have been hit with the cold. This time it is all in the sinus’ we all have dippy noses, inflamed tonsils, pain in the center of the forehead, and ear pain. It really is such a drag to once again be hit with sickness. I am trying to power through at this moment and get work done, but on top of not feeling well the “shared file” where I get into work is currently down…so here I am, sitting at the table, it is almost one in the afternoon with absolutely nothing to do.

I personally hate technology, and I am pretty sure technology hates me in return. Technology can never work smoothly in my life, it either dies, blows up, or in one case get lost for 10 weeks in the Best Buy storage room. Over here in Africa, it is even worse. Pretty much every day my computer is not able to access something, while everyone else’s computer is able to open whatever. Story of my life. It really has been a challenge for me to not be bugged by all of this. Like currently, as you can probably tell from my tone, I am not in the happiest of moods because of the technology issue. In the past what I would do is just walk around and complain about it. But today I am not going to do that. No sir, I am not going to be a complaining sicky today. I am going to do the complete opposite. I am going to give thanks and reflect a joyful heart.

I took some time to just a few minutes ago and I read my friend’s blog. She is teaching abroad in the beautiful Country of South Korea for a year. I was blessed and able to travel to that country a few years ago. I very much enjoyed my time, and I loved learning about the culture over there. Anyways, my friend Lauren wrote a blog sharing her frustrations about technology and how everything was going wrong for her one day. It was very frustrating for her, but in the end of her blog she said this:

 

Joy is a lifestyle choice

This really hit me because as I was in the same frustrating place she was in; she took all of her frustrations and humbled herself before God. She began to be thankful and joyful instead of frustrated and angry. I need to do the same. Here are all of my current frustrations:

-The Shared File is down and I cannot get any work done.

-I have this cold that is making me move slower.

-My mom is currently injured and I am not there to take care of her.

-I miss my life that I had in LA.

-I miss my friends.

-I miss having a phone to talk to all of my friends and family.

-I miss being able to drive away in my car when I am frustrated.

-I miss cooking my own healthy food.

-I miss my cat.

-I am getting frustrated with some people.

-Work is very tedious and a whole other ball of frustrating. 

There, those are all of my current frustrations. I have been carrying all of those with me at one time. I know it seems a little pathetic to be frustrated because I miss my cat, but really I could combine many of those into one subject, I am frustrated that I do not have any of my comforts and familiar faces in my life anymore. I am coming out of the “honeymoon stage” of Africa, and I am getting into the frustrated, angry, and ready to leave stage. I can remember about six months ago I was sitting at my dinner table listening to Chris and Karen tell me all of the different stages that I will be encountering in Africa. They said come about three months in, you are going to be ready to pack your bag and leave. That my friends, is exactly the stage I am in. I am just frustrated with everything. To be completely honest, I have been stuck in this rut for about two weeks now. This being one of the main reasons I have not been blogging. I could not find anything to write. I have been upset, frustrated, and just wanting to be back in the United States.

“How could I ever say such a thing on my blog?” I would say in my head to myself. “People are going to think I am weak, they are going to be put off.” Well, I am writing this..because this is currently my life. I am frustrated, and I am ready to throw in the towel. I am ready to leave. Nothing seems to be going right, and on top of it I am sick. Blah.

I could just end this blog post right there. Sharing how mad I am, and that be it. But I am not going to do that..I am going to turn this around. I am not going to be frustrated anymore. My friend Lauren helped me realize this one. (Thanks honey!)

Joy is a lifestyle choice.

So instead of blabbing on about how I am angry and frustrated, I am going to be joyful and share all of the things that I am thankful for. Because let me tell you something, even though I am disliking everything right now, there are still so many things that I can be thankful for.

Here are the things that I am thankful for:

-I am first off so thankful that I am God’s Child; I can come to him with all of my frustrations.

-I am so thankful that the Lord has kept all of us safe in this house. (Being the only “white man” compound around, there is a threat of thieves breaking in.) The Lord has kept us safe, and is keeping us safe every night.

-There are some amazing people that I live with. Everyone is so different and everyone is so interesting. I am living with people from different cultures, different lifestyles.

-I am so thankful that I DO have a way to communicate with family and friends. It may be different then how it was in the States, but I have a way to stay connected. I am so thankful for that.

-I am so thankful that I am able to work and be a part of making these Lessons from Luke. I am putting together Lessons that will be a tool for reaching out to saved and unsaved children in Africa.

-I am living and experiencing a different culture. Not too many people will ever have this opportunity; I have been one of the few who have been chosen to live abroad.

-Through all of these frustrations, I am so thankful that I do in fact have people and animals to miss. God has blessed me with wonderful people back at home. I am leaning how precious treasures they really are and how much I have taken them all for granted. 

Scripture to live by:

Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Zephaniah 3:17 “The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” 

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

Psalm 9:9 “The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.”

Psalm 55:22 “Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.”

Matthew 11:28-29 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” 

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubles, neither let them be afraid.” 

John 16:33 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Romans 8:6 “For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.”

Colossians 3:15 “And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” 

 

I was talking to my mom last Sunday; I was telling her how much of a difficult time I really was having being here in Africa. I told her that if anyone was to ask her how I was, just tell them that I am doing well. She agreed and left the conversation. I am not really sure if anyone asked about me, but I made her not be one hundred percent honest. The fact is I was and still am having a difficult time. That conversation really has haunted me, because I was not being completely honest. I was sweeping everything under the rug. I was allowing my frustrations to just settle into my mind. I have sadly allowed my circumstances to control my emotions. I was allowing it to just stew in my mind, and it really has changed the way I have acted and the way I have treated people over here. I have allowed all my joy to be sucked from my mind. I walk around like a blob.

This ends.

If you look at all of the Scripture listed above..does it ever say, if you are not doing well then do nothing..because life sucks.

NO, it calls us to give all of our heavy burdens to the Lord, to cry out to him and allow HIM to change our hearts. So that is what I am doing in this blog.

I am giving all those listed frustrations up to GOD.

Lord I am so sorry that I have allowed all those frustrations to suck me dry, I am sorry Lord that I have been only focusing on my circumstances, and I have not been having a thankful heart. Lord I THANK YOU for bringing me here to Africa. I am so blessed by all of these amazing people. Lord fill my heart with Joy. Take away this yuckiness I have allowed to enter into my heart and mind. Lord I pray that you would give me peace, that you would shine down on me Lord. I love you so very much. I thank you for loving me. I thank you that you have never forsaken me, I thank you Lord that I can come to you with my heavy and very tired heart. I pray that I find refreshment in you, and that you help me just give thanks to you whenever my mind falls off track. I love you Lord. Amen.

And now to conclude this (very long sorry!) blog post, I am going to post the song I am currently listening to. I think it is a good ending to this post. I pray that all of you are blessed today, and if any of you out there are frustrated, stop what you are doing, cry out to God, read your Bible. Find all of those things that you are thankful for in your life.

Joy is lifestyle choice

Love you all, 

Sarah 

 

DC Talk- In the Light

I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from you
I am the king of excuses
I've got one for every selfish thing I do

What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a savior

(chorus)
I wanna be in the light
As you are in the light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, lord be my light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the light
All I want is to be in the light

The disease of self runs through my blood
It's a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed

To bring this sickness under control

Tell me, what's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a savior

(repeat chorus)

Honesty becomes me
[there's nothing left to lose]
The secrets that did run me
[in your presence are defused]
Pride has no position
[and riches have no worth]
The fame that once did cover me
[has been sentenced to this earth]
Has been sentenced to this earth

Tell me, what's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a savior

(repeat chorus 2x)

[there's no other place that I want to be]
[no other place that I can see]
[a place to be that's just right]
[someday I'm gonna be in the light]
[you are in the light]
[that's where I need to be]
[that's right where I need to be]