The Post After Cameroon.

I have been home from Africa for five weeks.

It is a crazy thought to think that five weeks ago I was living in Africa. Many people have approached me and asked me how I have been doing. How it has been being back in America?

I usually respond with “Yes, it is so great to be back.”

Trust me; I really am happy to be back, I am happy to be around family and good friends. It has been so nice to be able to talk to them instantly. But at the same time, my heart is saddened for the fact that Cameroon is all now a distant memory. I can no longer get out of bed and eat the best mango I have ever had in my life, I can no longer walk down the long dusty, now muddy, road to get to town. I no longer rely on taxis, and I no longer live in a house with several people.

At first all of those things were the struggle for me. It was hard to deal with living in a country with difficult roads, it was hard to live in a country where I did not have my car at hands length, and it was hard for me to live in a house where there was little privacy. It is funny how all of those things that were hard at first, now have become “safe”.

Being back, I no longer am surrounded by the people I grew to deeply love. My heart aches to be with the Jackson’s; I miss Maimu, Fadi, Lum, and Carol. I miss being in Africa with Kathleen. I always knew even in my tough times in Cameroon, that I was going to miss that place. I miss living in a Country that is stress-free. Yes, fact we did deal with a lot of stress and unwanted events in Cameroon…but the Country does not live by stress. Here in America we bust our butts every day…we wake up, go to work for eight plus hours, we come home, make dinner, workout, try to have family time, and then go to bed. We work ourselves to the core. All for what? We work our bones to the ground so that we can make our house payment? We work to pay off our student loans, we work so we can “have fun” on our few days off? No thank you.

Living in Cameroon really taught me to value the day that we have. Cameroon taught me to put all of my trust in God. What I mean is, working to the point where all we want to do is cry, working to the point where we have forgotten the point of this life, then why do it? Fact is we are here to be Disciples for Christ. We are here to share the Word to others. If you are working at a job where all you do is complain and hate life, what is the point? If you are working a job where you have “zero” time for God, then why do it? Why do we put ourselves in these positions? We do it because we want to have the control.

“I need to work this job because I need money to live my life.” “I need to work because it will take care of me.”

Shouldn’t we be thinking:

 “I am working this job because it challenges my faith, and it is an opportunity for me to share my faith to others.”

“I am working this job because it is where the Lord wants me to be.”

Instead we seek control and become miserable because we hate where we are. I also do realize that the Lord may have us in a job that we do not enjoy, and yes maybe we should be praying the God to help us change our attitude toward the job. But I think the point I am making, is that we have been programmed here in America to take a job because it makes good money. We may hate the job, but we just think suck it up because I am making bank.

My question is why? Why hate life, when you can just give the control up to God and allow him to place you where he wants you to be?

We are all so afraid to trust the Lord. We continually try to take control.

This is one of the biggest struggles I see in the States vs. Cameroon.

I pray that as I continue in this life, that I put all of my trust in the Lord. That I would just allow him to place me where he wants me to be placed, I pray that I do not allow the stress in life push me over the edge; I pray that I would continually give everything up to the Lord.

 

A lot of people have also been asking me how I have been doing dealing with everything that happened in Cameroon.

I feel overall I have been doing well transitioning back into the States. There have been some hard things, and then there have been some easy transitions (like finally having quality internet!). Overall, I really miss the people I lived with. I am so thankful that I was able to have that chapter in my life in Cameroon. I was so blessed to be able to be with Karen her last few days here on earth. I am so thankful that I was pushed to my limits there, because if it was not for those difficult times, I would have not grown in my faith. My life has radically changed because of my time in Cameroon.

I apologize if this post is random, all of this has just been bothering me, and I needed to write it out. I thank you again for all of the support, and for all of the prayers.

Love you all,

Sarah

Home

Today I officially have two more days until I leave Country. I cannot believe that the time for my departure has come. I get tears in my eyes thinking about leaving behind a family I have molded myself into. A family full of laughter, fun, and adventure-the Jackson Village. Every single person in the Jackson village brings something special into the family, whether you are Miamu who gets to experience this journey as a child, to Kathleen, an amazing (tall) woman of God who puts others in front of herself. We all bring something into the family, and I have to say, I am going to feel like a part of my heart has been ripped from me when I am back in America. I am going to miss everyone so much.

All of us here have gone through the pits and through the best of times together. It is crazy to look back to July at the person who I was. When I first came to Cameroon I was a very insecure little girl who did not know anything about Africa, Cameroon, or really any idea about living in an underdeveloped country. Today, I feel so much stronger and confident. Yes, I know that I do not fully understand the way how things are run in this country, but I overall feel like I have grown up a little bit.

I have known so many people, including my sister, who packed up all of their belongings and just moved to a different country. I always had that desire, but I would get a panic attack just thinking about moving away from comfort. Now, I can proudly say that I am one of those people, I have packed my things, and I just put all of my trust into the Lord with where we wanted me to go. Who would have thought that Sarah Newman would live in Cameroon? NOT ME!

Oh Cameroon, how I am going to miss thee. I will miss going to the market, I will miss listening to Nigerian music in the taxi cab, I will miss hiking up mountains and hills, I will miss rainy season, I will miss Jane, I will miss Katelyn, I will miss Carol, I will miss Chris, I will miss Lum, I will miss Fadi, I will miss Maimu, I will miss Darcie, I will miss Georgia, I will miss all of the peace corps people I have met, I will miss all of the Cameroonians I have met, and I will miss all the people in the market. I will miss this place.

I think one of the things I will miss most, is living with Kathleen. Originally, before coming to Cameroon, when I first heard that a woman named Kathleen Cross will be joining the Jackson village, and that I will be sharing a room with her, I just pictured some fifty year old woman who would be difficult to get along with….BOY WAS I WRONG! Kathleen Cross has easily become one of my best friends. We constantly make one another laugh, we dance, sing, and act like idiots together…Kathleen is an amazing person, and I am going to probably cry for the first month in the States because I will no longer have my friend with me 24/7. Kathleen, I have no idea if you have ever read my blog, but if you are reading this now, I just want to let you know, that you are the jelly to my peanut butter! (I know you do not like peanut butter, but deal with it!!!) I cannot wait to continue our friendship back in the States, and just know Kathleen….that our time together has NOT ended. I know that there are going to be so many more adventures to come (EUROPE TRIP SUMMER 2014 BABY!! SOUTH KOREA WHEN YOU ARE DONE WITH COLLEGE!) I love you Kathleen and I cannot wait to push your family out of the way at the airport to give you the first hug (haha)

Another person I am going to miss dearly is Katelyn. Oh Katelyn, how much we have in common. If there is a person I can say who I relate to the most is Katelyn. She is a girl who loves to laugh, who is adventurous, brave, and strong, and most important, she is the baby in the family…like me. Katelyn is going to go far in this world. She has so much talent, and she does not even fully realize the talent that she has. I am going to miss laughing with Katelyn, I am going to miss going to her when I have random bug bites so she can examine them, I am going to miss her music, I am going to miss shopping with her, I am going to miss horse riding with her, I am going to miss all of the serious talks, and funny talks that we have had, and I am going to miss sitting next to her at the dinner table. Katelyn, you are amazing, I love you with all the depths of my heart, and thank you so much for opening up to me, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your family. Because of our friendship, I am a better person. I cannot wait to continue our friendship, and I cannot wait to see where you go in your future, because you are going to do some amazing things.

Lum, Fadi, and Maimu: oh boy…these three are so special to me. I just wish I could shove the three of them into my suitcase. These three girls are all so different and special. I am going to miss talking with Lum about EVERYTHING, I am going to miss cooking with her in the kitchen, and I am going to miss her laugh. Lum is one of the most determined and motivated girls I have ever met in my life. She is going to be so successful, and I just feel so privileged to have lived with her, and to be her friend. I cannot wait to see you back Stateside Lum. I cannot wait to show you around America, and I am so excited to share more laughs, hugs, and stories!!! Fadi and Maimu….you two are sisters, and yet so different. I will miss Maimu coming into our room, and just hanging out with us, I am going to miss her laugh, I am going to miss buying her clothes, I am just going to miss everything about her. She is the coolest 12 year old I have ever met, and she just reminds me how much fun everything in life can be. Fadi is one heart breaker. She is so beautiful; sometimes I just stare at her because her beauty just shines off of her. She is so kind, funny, and caring. Fadi is going to also go far in this world. She works so hard in school, and she has so many dreams and goals for herself. I cannot wait to see where she goes, and what she does with her life. I am going to miss these three dearly.

Chris Jackson. I am going to miss Chris dearly. He is an amazing follower of God, and he is one to aspire to. I have so much enjoyed working with him, I have enjoyed talking and sharing with him, and I am going to miss so much his sense of humor. He is still five years old in spirit. He loves to laugh, make jokes, and dance….(yeah, dance hahaaha.) I am going to miss his easy going spirit, and his knowledge about everything. Every time I was crying or struggling, he would always come to make sure that I was okay; he would always encourage me, and lead to me back to Christ. Chris has provided me with a hot water heater for a warm shower, to internet, food, shelter, and safety. Chris welcomed me into his family, and he made me feel like I have been here all my life. Chris, thank you so much for everything. I thank you for being such a crutch for me during all of the culture shock, and for all of my mental break downs (sorry about all the crying haha) You have such strong faith, and I look so much up to you. You are a wonderful father, you were a wonderful husband to Karen, and you have taken in so many people as your children. I thank you for allowing me to be a part of the Jackson Village. Thank you for letting me team up with you and Karen and be a part of the work team. “Lessons from Luke” is going to make a big difference in Cameroon, and I thank you for letting me help out!

Karen. Karen Jackson changed my world. She pushed and challenged me in ways I never thought I would be pushed or challenged. Karen showed me what love looks like. Karen made love her mission. She took in anybody, and made sure they were taken care of. I will never, ever forget Karen Jackson. I will carry her with me for all my life. I cannot wait for the day when I get to see her again. It still feels like yesterday when I was with her in the hospital. I will carry those special memories I got to share with her for all of my life. Karen was an amazing disciple for Christ. I hope that I can be half of the woman that Karen Joy Jackson was. I will always remember her smile as she was working in the garden, I will never forget her laugh, and I will never forget her generous spirit. Karen you are amazing. I love, love, love you. I wish I was able to give you a great big hug right now.

Oh Cameroon. You have changed me. You have made me a better person. Thank you Cameroon, thank you for saving me. Before coming to Cameroon I was lost, lonely, and empty. Since coming to Cameroon I have been surrounded by love, companionship, and Christ. God literally ripped me out the empty, worldly life I was living, and showed me what it means to be a true disciple of Jesus. I was thrown away from the comforts of America, I was taken away from my friends, and I was snatched away from my troubles. The Lord placed me here in Cameroon to grow spiritually, to grow emotionally, and mentally. I have had to face a lot being here, when we first got here we ran over a lady with our car, in the middle of my time here we celebrated a birth in Fadi’s village, and I have now ended my time here mourning over Karen. I was pushed, broken down, encouraged, and loved. Being here in Cameroon has been one of the hardest times in my life, but in the end, when I look back, it was a time filled with more laughter and joy than sadness. The Jackson’s are amazing people, and every single of them inspire and motivate me. This family is a wonderful family who live their lives as disciples.

I will always have Cameroon with me. I have been saved in my faith, I have learned new cultures, and I have done things I will never get to do in the States. Thank you Cameroon and thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus for taking me down this road, thank you for never giving up on me, thank you Lord for flipping my world upside down. You taught me Lord that beauty is not about appearances, it is about where your heart dwells. If we give YOU are heart, your beauty will shine out of us. You showed me how to love everyone, no matter their skin color, no matter what they wear, no matter if they hate us, we are to love them….just as you love us. You showed me Lord that we are to open up and share our struggles with fellow followers. We are to lean on one another when we are going through difficult times. I thank you Lord for giving me these people to lean on here in Cameroon. I thank you Lord, and I thank you for pushing me past my comforts. I thank the Lord and give him all the praise. I am so thankful that I am His child, and I am so thankful for this time in Cameroon that he gave me. I am a different person because of this journey, I will forever be grateful.

I just want to take this time to also thank everyone who has supported me financially and through prayer. I would have not been able to be here in Cameroon without any of you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you so much for your care and love. Because of your support, I have been able to finish…yes, that is right, FINISH Lessons From Luke. I have been able to complete my part of the project, and we are one MASSIVE step to getting these out into the world. Because of you, hundreds of kids from all over Cameroon are going to be hearing and learning about the life of Jesus. There will be children from Cameroon in heaven because of you. I want to thank you so much for allowing me to work on the material; again I would not be here if it was not for all of you. I cannot wait to see all of you back in America, and I cannot wait to give you all a big hug!

Just to let you know if you are wondering about what is next for me, I will be going back to Northern California for the summer, and then I plan to move to Mississippi with my best friend. I am not sure how long I will be there, but I do know that I will be preparing myself to go to grad school. I plan to continue writing on this blog…so if you are interested in reading about my future journey, hang out for a bit! Thank you again for this amazing journey, and I will see you all Stateside!

Love you all,

Sarah

Gravity

Happy Wednesday to all.

Wednesdays have always been my favorite days. One may ask why. It is the middle of the week, I still have work to do tomorrow, and it is far away from the weekend.

If there is one thing I have learned living with the Jackson’s it is that the weekends are crazier than the work weeks. During the weekends we have floods of people coming and going, staying the night, snoring in my room, etc. However, during the week, it is just us…the Jackson Village. During the week I get better sleep, and I get more things accomplished. I have always enjoyed Wednesday’s because it was the day we would go to Helping Hands, the children’s home.

Usually it is a busy morning, and there is much prep that needs to be done before heading over there. Wednesday morning usually are the busy ones with a lot of extra tasks to do. Then we go to Bible Club. We get to share to the children all the lessons that we have been working on. It was really amazing, because we really get to see first-hand what the children like and do not like. We have changed many things in the lessons because of this opportunity. By the time we get home from Bible Club, the day is shifting over to night. We then all have our “Wednesday movie night”. We either watch whatever show we are hooked on, or a movie that we all want to watch. Wednesdays usually is the day when I just see all the things that I am thankful for: community and fellowship.

Sadly, this has all changed.

I miss going to Bible Club on Wednesdays..but without Karen, it is not the same. Karen was a BRILLIANT teacher. She would always have so much energy, and her love for children just poured out of her. I LOVED just sitting and watching her do her thing. God definitely blessed her in the area of children’s ministry. I am so thankful that I was able to watch her teach. I will miss the old Wednesdays.

I really miss Karen. I miss her presence. She was a ray of light that always made the house shine bright. She was always encouraging when LibreOffice (our program that has all of our lessons) was acting up, she would complement our outfits, she would just show us love every day, and I miss it.

I will always feel like something is missing now on Wednesdays.

Did you know that three Wednesdays from now, I will be back in the United States? I cannot believe it. My time here in Cameroon has come to an end. I have forever been changed. Africa has healed me, Africa has pushed me, Africa has beaten me up, Africa has hugged me, Africa has inspired me, and Africa has saved me.

I am overall a stronger person because of this place. I am stronger emotionally, I am stronger spiritually, and I am stronger physically (thanks to Shaun T from Insanity!).

One update I want to inform you all on is the Lessons. I know many of you might be wondering how the progress is overall. Well let me tell you.

A week ago I was standing out on the balcony crying because I was so upset that I did not have Karen here. I need Karen here to help me with the lessons. So many of the holes that are in the lessons required the brilliant teaching mind of Karen; she knew exactly how she wanted to fill the holes. Unfortunately I did not have a long conversation with Karen about what she wanted. So a week ago I was standing out on the balcony crying. I was stressed, I was sad, I was angry, I was everything in between.

This week, is a completely different story.

GOD IS AMAZING.

This week, two women who have worked with Karen in the past have come and offered their services to fill all the missing holes! This week we have filled over 50% of the missing parts. These women are AMAZING AND AN ANSWER TO MY PRAYERS.

Elsie and Annette are their names. And I just want to share with you how amazing they are. We have come together this week and spent hours upon hours writing.

My friends, I am so excited to let you know, that I truly believe that the lessons will be completed by the time I leave.

PRAISE THE LORD.

Karen would be celebrating if she was here.

I know that she is celebrating in heaven right now.

Please be in prayer for these next two weeks, that we would finish filling in the holes. Pray that the new team would work well together, and that the publishing process would continue to be a smooth.

Even though my Wednesdays have changed, I am so thankful that this Wednesday we have made big progress with these lessons. Thank you Lord.

I am so thankful that the Lord provided me with Annette and Elsie. The stress has left me, my sadness is still here, but just knowing that Karen’s lessons will be finished…just makes my heart jump for joy.

I challenge those who are sad today, those who are angry today, or those who just have no hope today, that you would find something to be thankful for.

I know that although we are all in mourning over here, there are still so many things to be thankful for.

Our time here on earth is so limited. I want to spend my life being thankful, and joyful in the Lord. I do not want to spend my time here angry, depressed, or upset because of the circumstances of life.

If we are thankful and relying on the Lord, we can see firsthand what God can do with our lives. Karen lived this way, and God used her in sooo many ways. When we allow and acknowledge God having control over our lives, he uses us for his glory.

When we allow God to take the control that is when the adventure in life begins.

I thank you again for all of the support and for all of the prayers. It has been so tough….but I have been holding onto the Lord, and finding comfort.

I cannot wait to see all of you soon! 19 days until the big move back to the States!!!

Love you all,

Sarah

April 11, 2013

"This is the day that I have made. Rejoice and be glad in it. Begin the day with open hands of faith, ready to receive all that I am pouring into this brief portion of your life. Be careful not to complain about ANYTHING, even the weather, since I am the Author of your circumstances. The best way to handle unwanted situations is to thank Me for them. This act of faith frees you from resentment and frees Me to work My ways into the situation, so that good emerges from it.
To find Joy in this day, you must live within its boundaries. I knew what I was doing when I divided time into twenty-four-hour segments. I understand human frailty, and I know that you can bear the weight of only one day at a time. Do not worry about tomorrow or get stuck in the past. There is abundant Life in My presence today."

-Jesus Calling

The Call to Love

If there is one thing that the Lord has been challenging me with is the call to love.

Matthew 5:43-48

You have heard that the Law of Moses says, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as a true child of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and on the unjust too. If you love only those who love you, what good is that? Even to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagens do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.

This is a powerful verse that can easily get looked over. There are so many times we meet people we grow to love, and there are so many people that we meet, that we just have a hard time getting along with. This has been a very big challenge for me. For years I would either ignore, or talk about the person who I did not like-sadly I have to say that this is one of my biggest faults. When I meet someone who I have a difficult time to get along with, I will usually just ignore them, or pretend that they do not even exist. Let me ask you something; is that how a true disciple of Christ should act?

No.

We are to love those who we do not get along with. One may ask how in the world is that even possible? It is possible all through Christ.

This last week I have been a mess because I have been walking around carrying sadness, anger, and just overall being upset that I am having a hard time getting along with this one person. I will literally bend over backwards to make someone like me. I have a hard time knowing that there is someone out there who does not like me. I worry so much about how I appear to others, I care so much about what people think about me. My question is, why do I worry so much about what people think about me, and not enough about what God thinks about me?

I walk around holding grudges against people; I walk around talking behind others backs….is that the way a true disciple should act? No. I am to not talk bad about people, I am to love them. Like what the Scriptures say, “How are you different from anyone else?”

I am not different from that person who I like; I am not any different from the person who I do not like. We are all sinners; we have all been brought back to life because of Christ.

Karen lived by this verse above. She accepted all, she loved her friends, and she loved her enemies. She never talked badly about anyone. I want to live like this.

I have seen firsthand what it means to love everyone. Karen did not care what color you were, she did not care what age you were, she did not care if you were fat or skinny, she did not care if you had zits all over your face..She showed a never ending amount of love. She took in all, and she considered everyone a friend. I want to live like this; I want to love like this.

The love that Karen showed to others, greatly impacted hundreds upon hundreds of people, she made loving others her mission.

Lord, I am so sorry for all of the anger, for all of the grudges that I have held against others. Lord I pray that you would transform my heart and I pray that I would reflect your love to others. Lord I ask for forgiveness, I ask for forgiveness for all of the negative that I have thought. I pray that you would help me to love my enemies; I pray that I would speak and think nothing but love for others. Lord, I ask that you take away all of the anger that I have carried for years. I pray that you would continue to make me YOUR disciple, I thank you for convicting me of this, and I give you a heart of thanks for transforming me. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

I love all of you out there reading this blog.

-Sarah